Dear Queenie,
I’m getting married later this year and something has come up in planning my wedding that I can’t decide. My mother and father got divorced when I was very young after that I didn’t see much of him. After my mother got married again it was my stepfather who mostly raised me.
Now I would prefer to have my stepfather walk me down the aisle, but what will people think?
Queenie, what do you advise?—Bride-to-be
Dear Bride-to-be,
Talk this question over with both men. It could be your biological father will not be interested in walking you down the aisle, but if he is, a compromise might be to have him walk you halfway and your stepfather walk you the rest of the way.
Dear Readers,
I noted with interest Mr. Russell Simmons’ letter to the editor of this newspaper on Monday, October 3, reacting to one of my recent columns.
His main point seemed to be that women would command more respect if they did not dress provocatively. He compared the way women dress in public to the way men dress. However, he failed to take into account the difference between the way men and women react to members of the opposite sex.
It seems to be built into the human psyche that men notice women first for their physical (sexual) characteristics, sexually attractive or unattractive, and are more inclined to want to become acquainted with women they find sexually attractive. Only after making that initial contact do they take notice of a woman’s inner qualities such as what Mr. Simmons described as “brains” and “grace.”
On the other hand, while some women may possibly find a provocatively-dressed man sexually attractive, most women are more inclined to actually want to become acquainted with men who present a more respectable (responsible) appearance.
I am not saying this is right or wrong, just that seems it to be how things are. Perhaps if men behaved differently towards women, women would behave more like Mr. Simmons wants them to.
And, just for the record, I thank Mr. Simmons for his interest in my column.
Dear Queenie,
Our adult son has told us that he is gay. We think he was convinced of this by an older man he admires very much.
Queenie, how can we accept what he says when we think the problem is that this man persuaded him of something that is not true?—Upset parents
Dear Parents,
Surely if your son is an adult he knows whether he is attracted to men or to women (or to both) without being influenced by anybody else. I suspect the only “persuading” that took place was to tell you the (apparently unwelcome) truth about himself.
As you apparently are having difficulty dealing with this revelation, I suggest find support by talking to parents of other gay men, if you know any, or by contacting Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) at www.pflag.org .
Dear Queenie,
My wife died recently and I am still in mourning.
Queenie, I am dealing with my grief, but how do I deal with friends and family who try to fix me up with a date or women who try to flirt with me? I know the time will come when I’m ready for all this, but not yet.—Eligible widower
Dear Widower,
Tell them what you told me – that you are not ready yet for all that.
And when the time comes that you are ready, be sure to let the “fixer-uppers” know.
Dear Queenie,
My doctor says I should try to lose weight and stop smoking, but both he and the nurse who works for him are not exactly skinny and I have seen both of them smoking on occasion outside of the office.
Queenie, how hypocritical can you get?—Impatient patient
Dear Patient,
This would seem to be a case of “do as I say, not as I do.” Your doctor and his nurse know first-hand how bad smoking and obesity are for one’s health – and how hard it is to break these bad habits.
For your own sake, try to take your doctor’s advice. And if you can manage to do so, I wouldn’t blame you if you make a point of telling him and his nurse just how you did it.
