Dear Queenie,
My son and his new wife don’t want me to have anything to do with his first wife now that they are divorced, but she has custody of their children and if I don’t have anything to do with her I don’t get to see my grandchildren.
Queenie, what should I do?—Lonely grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Your son and his new wife have no right to dictate whom you may or may not have contact with. More especially they have no right to cut you off from your grandchildren – and your grandchildren from you.
And I have to wonder, does your son have no contact with his children? Perhaps when (if) he sees them he could bring them to visit you. If that never happens, by all means arrange to stay in touch with the children, but on occasions when your son and his new wife will not be involved.
Dear Queenie,
I have fallen in love with my doctor and I’m due for a check-up soon. Neither of us is married or in a relationship.
Queenie, should I say something to him about it or should I go to another doctor first?—Im-patient
Dear Im-patient,
It would be unethical for any doctor to become involved with a patient.
Make an appointment with another doctor for your check-up and afterward explain to your present doctor why you did so. If he shares your feelings he will be free to say so, and if not, you both will be spared future embarrassment.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter is getting married next year and we sent all our rlatives and friends a “save the date” card for the wedding. Unfortunately, one of our married friends died suddenly a couple of weeks ago.
Queenie, should we still send his widow an invitation while she is still in mourning?—Mother of the bride
Dear Mother,
Yes, by all means send the invitation, but include in it a message of condolences on her loss. Let it be her decision whether to attend, and do not be offended if she does not.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I are very much in love and we plan to get married, but not for a while yet, so we want to live together until then, also to be sure we are really ready for marriage.
My mother has always said this is a good idea, to be sure a couple is compatible but now she is having a fit about it. It seems this is okay for others, but not for her own daughter.
I say I’m a grown woman and she can’t expect to keep running my life as if I was still a child, but she keeps worrying about what people will say and what she could say to them.
Queenie, what do you say?—Disgusted daughter
Dear Daughter,
I agree with you.
As for what your mother can say to judgemental people, she can tell them just what you said: “My daughter is a grown woman and I can’t run her life as though she were still a child.”
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for several years. He gets along just fine with my children, but I am not included in anything he does with his kids and when his kids want to visit when we have plans for something else, our plans get cancelled.
Queenie, will this ever change?—Left out
Dear Left out,
It could be that your boyfriend’s children do not like the fact that he is dating someone else than their mother and/or he could be waiting until they are older for them to get to know you.
However, after “several years” it is high time his children got acquainted with you and got used to the fact that you are part of their father’s life. Talk to him about this. You will know from what he says and how he reacts whether your relationship with him will last and on what terms.
