Dear Queenie,
When I go out with friends, usually one of us is chosen to be the “designated driver.”
According to me, this means the chosen person should not drink anything alcoholic for the whole evening, to be sure of being sober when it is time to drive home. However, the last time we went out, I noticed that the designated driver was drinking beer. When I said something about not drinking because they were going to drive, the person said it was only beer and they only had a few, and I was making a fuss about nothing.
Queenie, who was right?—Want to be safe
Dear Want to be safe,
You were. Beer is an alcoholic beverage, and it is quite easy to get “buzzed” on it without realising its effects.
I hope you had sense enough to take a taxi home that night.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend’s husband is a total jerk and my husband and I can’t stand him. The problem is that I can’t get to see my friend without her husband tagging along.
Queenie, how do I keep my friendship with her but without him?—Disgusted friend
Dear Friend,
Do not invite your friend to your home, as you can be sure hubby will “tag along.” Instead, plan a “girls day (or night) out” filled with activities that hubby would hate or at which he would not be welcome. And make sure he knows that your husband also is not included, so that hubby will be less inclined to butt in (I hope).
Dear Queenie,
My sister who is about to graduate with her Bachelor’s degree still acts like a child.
She never bothered to get a driver’s licence because she can’t afford to own a car, so she expects me and her friends to do the driving whenever we go out together. She still lives with our parents and they pay for everything – college tuition, health insurance, cell phone, food, clothes, etc.
She also can’t keep track of the simplest things. She has lost her wallet several times without noticing it and even gets lost on this small island in the most familiar areas.
Queenie, will she grow up eventually or is there something I could do to help her?—Concerned sister
Dear Sister,
Your sister may grow up eventually. But there is not much you can do to force her to do so more quickly.
However, your description of her losing things and getting lost indicates that she may have a minor form of attention deficit disorder, although being able to earn her Bachelor’s degree would seem to argue against this idea.
Still, it would not hurt for her to have a psychological evaluation, if you can persuade her or your parents to arrange it. At best, it would reassure you that there is nothing wrong with her; at worst it could motivate her and your parents to get her into some form of therapy.
Dear Queenie,
I love my boyfriend but I’m not sure I can trust him. When I call him at work he’s not always where he should be and once when I followed him I saw him chatting with a girl in line at a fast food place.
A friend of mine told me she heard he was thinking of breaking up with me because I don’t trust him but when I asked him about it he said it wasn’t so, if he was going to break up he would have done it already.
Queenie, should I believe him?—Doubting Tomasina
Dear Tomasina,
The fact is you do not trust your boyfriend and he knows it. Apparently he is willing to put up with your distrust for now, but how long before it gets to be too much for him to handle? And has he ever given you any real reason to distrust him?
You should have an open honest discussion with him about this. And possibly professional couples counselling would help you both deal with this issue.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a senior citizen who lives alone. I always keep my car keys with me even when I am at home because in an emergency if I can’t reach my phone I can always push the panic button and set off the horn of my car so my neighbors will know something is wrong.
Queenie, I thought you might like to pass this idea along to your other readers.—Cautious Cathy
Dear Cathy,
Thank you for your suggestion. But may I add that you should be sure to inform your neighbours that if your car horn starts blaring it may mean you are in trouble and you would like for them to check on you. Car alarms do go off spontaneously so often that people just tend to ignore it.
