Dear Queenie,
My mother depends on me to look after my younger brothers and sisters when we’re not in school, so I don’t have any time left over for after-school activities or socializing.
Queenie, is it selfish of me to want a life of my own?—Oldest sister
Dear Sister,
Being the oldest carries with it responsibilities, but also should include some privileges. Talk to your mother and try to work out some kind of compromise. If there is a school counsellor or teacher or other adult you can enlist for support, ask him or her to intercede on your behalf. And I wish you good luck.
Dear Queenie,
My sister copies my style of clothes and decorating her house and even her hobbies and social activities. It gets awkward when she gets compliments on things she has copied from me and acts as if they were her own idea.
I wouldn’t mind if she admitted she copied my ideas, but she doesn’t and people start to think I am copying her.
Queenie, what’s a good way to handle this?—Plagiarised
Dear Plagiarised,
To begin with, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” and “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
That said, if someone compliments her in your presence, feel free to say (pleasantly, please!) something like “Yes, I gave her the idea/showed her how to do it/introduced her to the group.”
Dear Queenie,
My mother is getting old and starting to talk about what kind of funeral she wants – something religious, fancy, elaborate and expensive. It’s not like she will be leaving us a lot money to pay for it and what she wants would cost a lot more than we can afford.
Queenie, are we honour-bound to give her what she wants after she is dead and gone?—Worried children
Dear Worried,
In the first place, I am firmly of the belief that funerals are for the benefit of the living and make no real difference to the deceased.
That said, try not to make promises you cannot keep. Instead of telling her you will do whatever she wants, tell her you will do your best to comply with her wishes. Then, when the time comes, do what you can afford to do.
Dear Queenie,
My father is in his 80s and has been getting very difficult to get along with. His doctor says he is in good health and not getting senile so it seems he just thinks getting old is a license to be rude and mean to everybody.
Queenie, how do we handle this?—Angry daughter
Dear Daughter,
When Dad starts getting difficult tell him – nicely! – that you don’t like to be around him when he gets like that. Then, if he does not lighten up, leave. Either he will learn to behave better or you will not have to put up with so much nastiness.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than five years, but whenever I start talking about getting married he says he isn’t ready for that yet. I asked him why not and when he would be but he couldn’t give me straight answers about that either.
Queenie, will he ever be ready or is he just stringing me along?—Lady in waiting
Dear Lady,
Your boyfriend may have issues with commitment relating to past experience with his own previous or his parents’ marriage, but if he is not willing to talk to you about them, I do not hold out much hope for any change in his attitude.
Unless you are willing to wait indefinitely, give him a deadline for commitment, or at least reasonable discussion thereof, and stick to it.
