Dear Queenie,
I have a good friend who is going to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. The problem is, she just got a huge tattoo on her arm and I hate tattoos, I think they are not attractive, in fact I think they are disfiguring, and she knows how I feel about them but she went ahead and did it anyway.
Queenie, I don’t want to have to look at it during my wedding and have the photographs messed up with that hideous thing! Should I ask her not to be in my wedding or can I just ask her to wear a jacket or sweater or something to cover it up?—Bridezilla
Dear Bridezilla,
It is a pity your friend did not care enough about your feelings to wait until after the wedding to get her tattoo. Try not to look at it, or at least try to ignore it, during the wedding and ask the photographer to pose her in such a position that the tattoo does not show up in the photos.
And try not to let this bother you so much. There really are more important things in life to worry about.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in love with a waitress at a restaurant where I have lunch every day. I asked her for a date but she said she doesn’t date customers and anyway she’s too busy for dating. Finally I gave her flowers and a note asking her again for a date, but she still said “no” and then she asked her boss to seat me in another waitress’ section and she’s been avoiding me ever since.
Queenie, is it because I’m too old for her (I’m in my 40s and she’s about 20)? How can I get her interested in me?—Persistent
Dear Persistent,
It is not because you are too old for her, it is just that she does not date customers and is not interested in changing that policy for you.
Take “no” for your answer, stop pestering her, and move on. In fact, maybe you should start going to another restaurant.
Dear Queenie,
My mother’s boyfriend is an addict and has a history of abusive behaviour. He is not a sex offender as far as I know, but who knows everything about anybody? Anyway, I don’t want him anywhere near my children, but she won’t go anywhere without him.
Queenie, how do I protect my children?—Worried Mother
Dear Mother,
It is a pity to deprive your children of their grandmother’s company, but their safety comes first.
If there is someone who can protect you and your children from the boyfriend, make sure that person is present whenever your mother visits.
If not, sorry to say, you will have to cut her and her boyfriend out of your lives. However, it would be good if you could maintain some sort of long-distance contact with her, even if it is just an occasional birthday or Christmas card and/or photograph, just in case her circumstances change in the future.
Dear Queenie,
I am an independent woman very well off. Recently I found out that my boyfriend of 4½ years lives on a yacht with his wife and kids. Why has he wasted my life?
Now I am going to make myself pregnant by him to regain him.
What do you think of this, Queenie?—Byside
Dear Byside,
If you think I am going to condone your having an affair with a married man you are sorely mistaken. I think you should have ended this relationship as soon as you found out your boyfriend is married.
Why has he wasted your life? Because you let him get away with it.
As for getting pregnant by him, it is never a good idea to try to keep a man by getting pregnant. Doing so is just as likely to drive him away as to hold him to you. Forget it, and forget him!
Dear Queenie,
My mother depends on me to look after my younger brothers and sisters when we’re not in school, so I don’t have any time left over for after-school activities or socializing.
Queenie, is it selfish of me to want a life of my own?—Oldest sister
Dear Sister,
Being the oldest carries with it responsibilities, but also should include some privileges. Talk to your mother and try to work out some kind of compromise. If there is a school counsellor or teacher or other adult you can enlist for support, ask him or her to intercede on your behalf. And I wish you good luck.
