Dear Queenie,
My sister is married to a nasty abusive man who treats her horribly. We, her family, put up with him for her sake but we really don’t like him.
I found out recently that my sister is having an affair with a very nice man who treats her the way she deserves. I am glad she has found someone to make her happy but I do not approve of her cheating on her husband even if he deserves it. The others in our family who know about her affair feel the same way.
We all think she should leave her husband before he does something really awful to her, get a divorce and be free to get together with this other man.
Queenie, should we talk to her about this?—Worried sibling
Dear Sibling,
If you talk to your sister, it should be only about resolving the problems in her marriage, perhaps – especially! – by getting professional counselling and legal advice. The rest of it, much as it troubles you, is really none of your business.
Dear Queenie,
My husband likes to play the numbers games and spends a lot of money doing it, but he doesn’t win anything very often, not nearly as much as he spends. I’m afraid he will use up all our retirement money on the games.
I tried to talk to him about this but he just got mad at me.
Queenie, what should I do?—Gambler’s wife
Dear Wife,
First, talk to a financial adviser about ways to protect your retirement funds, and your pension, if you have one, from your husband’s gambling.
Then try to get your husband to go for counselling about his gambling habit (addiction?) and, whether he goes for counselling or not, go yourself for help in dealing with his behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s sister’s daughter does not fit in well in social situations and her friends are all much younger than she is. Her parents are upset about her behaviour but do not know what to do about it.
I’m a health care worker and I think she is not autistic, but might have Asperger’s syndrome and if that is the case she could be treated for it.
Queenie, should I talk to my husband about this?—Worried aunt
Dear Aunt,
By all means talk to your husband about what you suspect – and to your in-laws, if you think they would listen to you rather than to him. Your niece deserves to get all the help she may need.
Dear Queenie,
I read with interest several letters you published about cures people use for body odor. Let me add one more idea.
You can use deodorant in other places that smell bad besides under your arms. But you have to be careful about very tender areas where you might get a skin irritation. I learned that the hard way.
Please tell them, Queenie.—Used to be Smelly
Dear Used to be Smelly,
Done! Thanks for your input.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I don’t want to have a baby, but I can’t take birth-control pills so he always uses a condom, but recently the condom broke so I used a morning-after pill and I didn’t get pregnant.
The problem is that if I did get pregnant I would refuse to have an abortion. I really didn’t like the idea of using the morning-after pill but my boyfriend insisted. And with the condom breaking we are not confident about using them either. And we really don’t want to have a baby, but if I refuse to have sex with him I’m afraid my boyfriend will break up with me.
So Queenie, what do we do?—Scared girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
There are methods of contraception that do not involve pills or condoms. Talk to a gynaecologist about the possibility of using a diaphragm or getting a hormonal ring or an IUD (intra-uterine device) implanted.
Or you could refrain from having sex and, if your boyfriend does break up with you, find one who will not be so demanding, or who would be willing to raise a baby with you if there should be another accident.
