Dear Queenie,

  Whenever I have friends visiting me at home, my mother makes comments about how they look or how they do things. She makes my friends uncomfortable and they don’t like her even though she gives them treats.

  If I try to talk to her about it she just says my friends always used to like her before, so what’s the problem? The problem is that we’re all older now and they have learned to understand the things she says about them.

  Queenie, how can I make her understand?—Embarrassed teenager

Dear Teenager,

  I doubt you can make your mother understand, but perhaps another adult could do so. Tell another adult you trust and ask him or her to talk to your mother about this.

  If she continues to do this, you will not have this problem much longer because your friends will refuse to visit you at your home. If that happens, tell your mother why, and visit your friends at their homes as often as you can.

Dear Queenie,

  Since my father retired he constantly complains that he is short of money and I have been helping him out every month. However, I found out he has been giving my kid brother money every month to help him pay his bills.

  I don’t mind helping my father but I’m not in favour of giving money to my brother who is grown up and out of school and should be able to support himself and even help our father out instead of sponging on him.

  Queenie, am I being unreasonable?—Not made of money

Dear Not,

  If he has money to spare for your younger brother, apparently your father does not really need your financial assistance. Stop giving your father money. If he asks for it, tell him you are short of cash and suggest he go to your kid brother for help.

Dear Queenie,

  I’m the youngest in a family of 6 children. My older sisters are all grown up and out on their own and have jobs and children and now that I’m in high school they expect me to help take care of their kids when I get out of school which means I never get to go to games or other afterschool activities for kids my own age.

  I love my nieces and nephews, but I know there should be more to life for me than this.

  Queenie, how can I do better for myself?—Teenage girl

Dear Teenage girl,

  Yes, there should be more to life for you than this.

  For now, concentrate on getting the best grades you can, so you will qualify for the best tertiary education you can get, so you will be well prepared to go out on your own and support yourself.

  And when that time comes, be sure not to get pregnant unless and until you are prepared to care for your child(ren) without outside help except that of his/her/their father – preferably your partner in life for practical if not religious reasons.

Dear Queenie,

  My whole family has been on the outs with one of my father’s sisters for years. She came to my grandmother’s (her mother’s) funeral and I happened to be sitting next to her and I spoke to her just to be polite and we ended up chatting for a few minutes.

  Now my father is mad at me for talking to her at all even though I was just being polite. After all, it was her mother’s funeral.

  Queenie, was I wrong to talk to her?—Funeral Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

  No, you were not wrong. In fact, as an adult, you have the right to decide for yourself whom you will be “on the outs with” and when to be polite or rude.

  I am glad you chose courtesy over rudeness at your grandmother’s funeral – or any funeral, for that matter.