Dear Queenie,
I do not have any problems with my wife, she is just wonderful. It’s one of her friends I just can’t stand. She is totally self-centered and expects my wife to baby-sit her kids whenever she can’t find another sitter, which is a lot of the time, and put up with lots of other nonsense.
My wife knows how I feel about this woman, but she says this friend needs her and she won’t turn her away. I have tried to be polite, but that friend is just too much to take.
Queenie, what advice do you have for me?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
Your wife is entitled to choose her friends, just as you are, and you are under no obligation to like the same people your wife likes, although it is nice for both of you when that happens.
If you dislike this woman so much, try to have as little contact with her as possible. When your wife goes to see her or babysit her children you do not have to go with her. When the friend comes to your home to visit your wife, go out and run errands or visit a friend(s) of your own.
And keep reminding yourself that, as the saying goes, patience is a virtue and virtue is its own reward.
Dear Queenie,
When our teenage daughter invites some of her friends over to our house the friends’ parents often ask if the friends’ younger sisters can come too. I don’t mind, but my daughter would rather enjoy the time with her friends without the younger kids around.
Queenie, what should I tell the parents without being rude?—Teenager’s mother
Dear Mother,
Just tell them, “Sorry, it’s not convenient today.” And if this is just an occasional refusal, add, “Maybe another day.”
Dear Queenie,
I’m in high school and my parents are getting divorced, but up to now they are still living together and it’s really weird around the house. They don’t talk to each other and they don’t tell me anything about what is going on with them.
Queenie, how can I get along with both my parents and not have any divorce talk?—Confused teenager
Dear Teenager,
Your parents may feel they are protecting you by not talking about what is going on (or not going on) between them, or they may think talking about it will start a big argument.
Perhaps talking to your school counsellor, or some family member who knows what is happening, will help. Or perhaps you can get professional counselling through your family doctor or even the Mental Health Foundation.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for several years and I think we have a serious relationship, but he likes to go out riding his motorcycle without telling me and I get worried when don’t hear from him and I can’t reach him.
I get upset when I’m sitting at home alone worrying about him and I can’t reach him, especially on a weekend night when we could be doing something together.
Queenie, am I asking too much?—Lonely girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Unless you and your boyfriend have made definite plans for any night, assume he is not coming and arrange to do something with your family or other friends. It will keep you too busy to worry about him, and he probably will be much more interested in you if he knows you are not just sitting around waiting for him.
Dear Queenie,
My brother-in-law is jealous because he thinks our daughter is the favorite grandchild over his son, and I have found out that he goes around saying nasty things about me to other family members behind my back.
I don’t have anything to do with him except at family events, but then I can’t avoid him.
Queenie, what should I do?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
If your family members know you well, they know how little your brother-in-law’s remarks about you are worth. At family events, avoid him as much as you can and be polite to him when you cannot avoid him. The others present will appreciate your forbearance and will probably ignore any remarks he makes about you.
