Dear Queenie,

  My oldest sister has always been my parents’ favorite. It’s not just me, all my other brothers and sisters think so too.

  As I grew up I started to think for myself and while I always obeyed their rules and lived by their standards, I started to disagree with a lot of what they believe, so they decided I was a rebel.

  Queenie, how can I convince them that they really do favor my oldest sister and that while I respect their beliefs I do not have to agree with them?—Younger son

Dear Son,

  You may never convince your parents that they show favouritism for one of their children. And people who have firmly fixed beliefs often have difficulty understanding how anyone can believe anything else.

  Try not to get into any arguments with your parents about all this. As long as you live with them, abide by their rules, try to live up to their standards and ask them what more you can do to show them the respect they deserve as your parents.

Dear Queenie,

  My son and his wife just had a baby, my first grandchild. They plan to have her parents do all the babysitting, even though I live near them too and have offered to do it. If I’m lucky they let me see the baby once or twice a week for an hour or so.

  This makes me so unhappy I have trouble sleeping, on top of some other problems in my family and some health problems I have had these last few years.

  Queenie, how can I get to have more time with my grandchild?—Unhappy Grandmother

Dear Grandmother,

  Your son and daughter-in-law may think they are doing you a favour by not adding the stress of caring for a new-born baby to your other problems, and they may be right. And, of course, your daughter-in-law is closer to her own parents than to you.

  They have not cut you off completely from your grandchild – you do get to see the baby several hours a week. Perhaps as you become less stressed-out and the baby grows older you will get to see him/her more often and/or for longer periods of time.

Dear Queenie,

  When my son died last year my father was no help to me in my grief. He didn’t even want to attend the funeral because he and my son hadn’t spoken in years, and he didn’t want to talk to me until I was feeling better.

  He also disapproved of the way I spoke to some people who pretended to be my son’s friends but who told nasty lies about things they said he had done in the past.

  He told me to get mental counselling and didn’t want to talk to me any more.

  I did go for counselling and the counsellor said there was nothing wrong with me, I just needed time to deal with my grief, and my father was being unreasonable.

  Queenie, how can I make my father understand?—Grieving mother

Dear Mother,

  My condolences on the loss of your son.

  As for your father, he apparently is incapable of offering compassion, and may have been (may still be) feeling guilty about his estrangement from your son. I doubt you will ever be able to make him understand how you feel about all this, but further counselling may help you learn how to deal with him as well as with your grief.

Dear Queenie,

  Some friends of ours invite us over for dinner at their home quite often. I would like to invite them to our house for dinner, but I don’t cook. Taking them out to dinner at a restaurant doesn’t seem quite the same and I would hate for them to think they would have to do the same for us.

  Queenie, help!—Not a good chef

Dear Not a good chef,

  Invite your friends to your house for dinner and order whatever you want to serve them. If they compliment you on the food, be honest and tell them what you did (and why).

  You might also tell them where you ordered the food from, just to give them a chance to enjoy eating there – and to give the place a little free advertising.