Dear Queenie,
My husband and I were together for more than 5 years when we got engaged and about 3 years later we had a small private wedding and then a big celebration with all our family and friends.
Now my husband teases me that I tricked him into marrying me and dragged him to the altar. I know he’s just joking, but sounds like he’s ashamed of getting married and it hurts my feelings.
Queenie, how do I get him to stop?—New bride
Dear Bride,
Have you told your husband how his “jokes” make you feel? He is not a mind-reader, you know. Tell him – pleasantly – in plain and simple terms how you feel about what he says and see how he reacts. Then you will know whether you have anything to be concerned about and, if so, can take appropriate measures.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been seeing a man from where I work. We are both single, not in any relationship with anyone else, and we are just friends with each other.
It used to be when we went somewhere together we would end the occasion with a friendly hug. Then the hug got more than just friendly, and then we started kissing and now when we see each other we spend a lot of time making out.
The problem is that we are still just friends. We aren’t thinking about any kind of romantic relationship.
Queenie, should we stop seeing each other?—Confused
Dear Confused,
You say you are both unattached to anyone else, so keep on seeing each other and see how things develop. And I wish you both good luck!
Dear Queenie,
I’ll be graduating from university at the end of the next semester and I asked my parents for a graduation party, but they said they would rather wait and spend the money on my wedding when I get married.
I wasn’t planning on anything big and I wasn’t expecting any gifts, I just wanted to celebrate the occasion.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to throw myself a party?—Graduation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is okay for you to give yourself a party, but do not mention the reason for it, just tell the people you invite that you are having a get-together. Then when your guests arrive you can tell them what the celebration is all about.
Dear Queenie,
One of my relatives molested me when I was in my teens. I never told anyone anything about it and after a while they moved away so I didn’t have to see him anymore. When he retired he and his wife moved back here, but I haven’t seen him since they came back.
Queenie, he died recently and I don’t want to go to his funeral to pay my respects because I have no respect for him, but what will I say to his family if I do not attend?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
You can tell them you will not attend because you are not feeling well. Or you can go, and tell his family you sympathise with them for their loss, without letting them know how you felt about him.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine from when we were in school together has gotten some ideas that I just can’t agree with. I don’t want to argue with him about any of it and we have always been such good friends that I don’t want to just stop having anything to do with him, but if I just keep quiet when he gets on about these things he’ll think I agree with him.
Queenie, is there any chance I could get him to change his mind about any of this or should I just give up on being friends with him?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
When he says something that bothers you, just tell him you do not agree with him and do not want to talk about it, and change the subject of the conversation. Either he will accept the fact that you do not agree with him and talk about something else, or you will find yourself spending a lot less time with him.
