Dear Queenie,
After my husband died my mother said I should stop wearing my wedding ring because I’m not married anymore.
Queenie, is she right?—Grieving Widow
Dear Widow,
You may wear your wedding ring as long as you like, especially if it gives you comfort in your time of loss.
However, if and when you are ready to start socialising again and open to the possibility of developing a new relationship, you might want to put it away, or at least not wear it on your hand – perhaps on a chain around your neck?
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who calls me every night just when I’m getting ready to watch TV or go to bed, and I have to spend an hour or so listening to her tell me about all her problems.
Queenie, I don’t want to be mean, but how do I get her to stop calling so much?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Tell your friend that you do not want to miss this great TV programme, or that you are tired and need to get some sleep, or that you are expecting an important call from someone else, and ask her to call back tomorrow. Then say “goodbye” and hang up.
And when you do listen to her, suggest that she might benefit from professional counselling that you are not qualified to give her.
Dear Queenie,
My wife quit smoking a few years ago, but I still smoke. If she’s around when I light a cigarette she gives me a big argument – one time she even threatened to divorce me if I didn’t stop smoking too.
Queenie, what’s her problem?—Ex-smoker’s husband
Dear Husband,
Surely you know that smoking is bad for your health? That is one reason your wife quit, and why she would like for you to do so as well.
Also, someone who has quit smoking can find the smell of second-hand smoke offensive, or it may make it difficult for them to resist the temptation to start smoking again.
For your wife’s sake as well as your own, you might want to consider stopping smoking too, or at least not smoking when she is around (although she will know you have been smoking because the smell of the smoke will cling to your clothes and hair).
Dear Queenie,
Recently one of my husband’s girlfriends from before we met got in touch with him on Facebook to talk about old times. As far as I know they haven’t met up in person, but it bothers me that they are keeping in touch with each other.
Queenie, what should I do?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
Have you told your husband how this makes you feel? If not, tell him now. If he already knows and is still doing it, perhaps professional counselling can help him understand what a threat it is to your marriage.
If you cannot persuade him to go with you for counselling, go by yourself for help in learning to deal with the situation and deciding what, if anything, you want to do about it.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a man for a couple of months and I just found out he’s married and has two children with his wife and another one outside the marriage.
Queenie, why do men cheat? Is it possible for him to be in love with two different women?—The byside
Dear Byside,
Only two women? What about the mother of that “outside” child? That makes three women, by my count, and there is no telling how many more that you do not know about, plus how many other “outside” children he has that you do not know about.
There is no good future for you with this man. Even if he left his wife for you, which is not likely, you can be sure he would cheat on you just as he cheated on her. Men who cheat are not so much in love with the women involved as they are in love with themselves.
