Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine is engaged to marry a man who is known to have cheated on his previous wife – that’s why she divorced him and his own children won’t talk to him.
Some people have already warned my friend about him but she still plans to marry him. She says she can take care of herself if things don’t go right, but even so she could get her heart broken.
Queenie, how can I convince her that she is making a big mistake?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
Perhaps your friend has convinced herself that this man will behave differently with her, but as the saying goes, “a leopard cannot change his spots”.
I doubt you can persuade your friend to change her mind, so all you can do is try to wish her well, and to be there for her if (when) things go wrong.
Dear Queenie,
My husband drinks a lot of ice water in hot weather and he likes to crunch up the ice. I find the noise he makes very annoying and I’ve asked him not to do it, at least when I’m around, but sometimes he forgets and I know he does it when I’m not there.
Queenie, am I being unreasonable?—Offended wife
Dear Wife,
You are not being unreasonable, and if he still does this when you are present he is being rude.
In addition, according to my dentist, what he is doing could chip or even crack or break his teeth. Of course, then his habit would be painful (and expensive!) for him as well as annoying to you, and he might be motivated to stop doing it.
Dear Queenie,
Is it against policy about management and the interaction with their employees for a general manager to use his position to sleep with the employees?
Queenie, would it be wrong of me to expose him or should I keep my mouth shut?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
What you say this man is doing is wrong, of course. Whether it is “against policy” depends on the organisation in which he holds his position.
Whether exposing him would be right or wrong depends on whether you know that what you are talking about is a provable fact, or it is simply a matter of workplace gossip. Passing on gossip would be wrong.
It also depends on what you mean by “expose”. If you mean “make it public knowledge” or “publicise it”, that would be wrong. Doing that would merely smear this man’s and his victims’ reputations.
However, if you are talking about a provable fact, it would not be wrong to report this man’s behaviour to his superiors in the organisation – to the Human Resources Department, if there is one.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been sick a lot recently and I’ve lost a lot of weight. Even people who know I’ve been sick will comment on it. Sometimes they even ask me how much weight I’ve lost.
Queenie, I know I’ve lost weight, they don’t have to tell me. What’s a good way to answer them?—Thin now
Dear Thin now,
I suspect most of these people, including the ones who do not know about your illness, are trying to pay you a compliment. Just say, “Thank you. It is because I have been sick recently,” and change the subject. The ones who care about you – and even many of those who do not – will get the point.
Dear Queenie,
What do you say when someone, especially a doctor or other healthcare worker, asks you if you drink, meaning alcohol? I drink a glass of wine sometimes at a ceremonial meal, but if I just say “yes” they might think I’m a regular drunkard.
So, Queenie, what do I tell them? And what do I put down for that question when I’m filling out a form?—Not quite a teetotaller
Dear Not quite a teetotaller,
If someone asks you this question in person, tell them “Occasionally,” or “Yes, but very rarely and very little,” or even go into a little more detail about how often and how much. When filling out a form, you can check the “yes” box and write in one of these modifiers.
