Dear Queenie,
When my unmarried daughter died I was left with her toddler son. I love my grandson, but I’m almost 60, not married, and it’s a strain. My friends my own age have their own interests and my boyfriend, who is much younger than me, broke up with me, and I don’t get any time for myself because as soon as I look away the kid gets into some kind of mischief.
Queenie, HELP!—Overwrought grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Can the child’s grandfather (your ex-husband?) and/or the boy’s other grandparents help by looking after him now and then so you can have some free time? What about the boy’s father? He should at least be paying support for his son, which would help you pay for day-care or a babysitter if you need financial assistance. And soon enough the boy will be old enough to go to school every day, which will also give you some relief.
Dear Queenie,
When I was little my father would make out with my mother while I was watching, watch porn while I could see it, walk into my room without knocking while I was getting dressed or undressed, and tell dirty jokes where I could hear him. After I got married he even asked my husband questions about how our wedding night went.
Queenie, was I sexually abused?—Just wondering
Dear Just wondering,
I would say yes, that was a form of mental and emotional sexual abuse. If you feel you need help to deal with the aftereffects, I (as usual) recommend professional counselling.
Dear Queenie,
A girl my son used to date got a crush on my husband and stayed in touch with us (mostly him) after my son stopped seeing her. She is always calling or texting him to tell him what she is doing and ask for advice.
He says he is just mentoring her and there is nothing else to it, but I can tell there is something more, if only for her.
Queenie, should I ignore all this or should I insist that he cuts her off?—Annoyed wife
Dear Wife,
I suspect your husband is flattered by all the attention he is getting from this probably attractive young woman. Try not to worry about it, just wait for her to get over it, which she eventually will when her life fills up with more interesting matters (and boys!).
Dear Queenie,
When my ex-stepmother died the notice in the newspaper said she was a “loving wife and mother.” I know that’s the kind of thing they always say, but it’s just not true. Actually she was an abusive alcoholic who cheated on my father several times while they were married which is why he divorced her.
Queenie, I hate to think that is how she will be remembered. How can I let everyone know the truth?—Angry stepchild
Dear Stepchild,
Just keep talking about her the way you did in your letter to me. People will hear and remember what you say.
Of course, they might not think well of you for talking that way about someone who is dead and gone and cannot defend herself.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t like myself very much. I think I weigh too much, I’m not good-looking or smart and I’m not good at making friends.
Queenie, what can I do?—Self-conscious teenager
Dear Teenager,
Stop worrying so much about what you think is wrong with you and concentrate on what is right and on making the “wrong” things better.
Because you think you weigh too much, start eating healthy and exercising more.
You may not be able to make yourself better-looking, but you can keep yourself well- and neatly-dressed.
Being a good listener in conversations is just as important as being smart. People appreciate having others listen to what they are saying instead of trying to “one-up” them in a conversation.
Also, start participating in projects that help other people. Everyone will think well of you for what you do, and you will not have so much time to think about what is “wrong” with yourself.
