Dear Queenie,
I don’t like talking to my husband’s family about anything personal because they are gossipy people and whatever I tell them will get spread all over the island, especially now with “social media”. But if I don’t talk to them about what I’ve been doing they tell me not to be so “stuck-up”.
Queenie, how can I avoid telling them what I’ve been doing without them getting vexed?—Fed up with gossip
Dear Fed up,
Tell them all the little stuff that really does not matter to you, like a new recipe you tried out and liked or a new place you found to shop for clothes (the proprietor surely will appreciate the word-of-mouth advertising).
Beyond that, just change the subject by asking them about themselves – surely they will be delighted to bend your ear with all that gossip and you might even learn something about them worth knowing.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a woman who had a head injury that left me with a bald spot on my head. I usually wear a hat when I go out and sometimes someone tells me it’s rude to wear a hat indoors and I should take it off.
Queenie, what’s a good answer for people like that?—Covered head
Dear Covered head,
You could reply that it is even more rude to complain about the way another person dresses without knowing why they dress that way.
You could also talk to a professional hairdresser about getting a hairpiece that you can wear when you go out, instead of a hat.
Dear Queenie,
I had a short affair with a man I know from work. I ended it right away when my husband found out.
My husband said he forgave me and I thought that was the end of it, but we haven’t had sex since he found out about the affair. We never had sex very much before that, which was part of why I got involved with the other man, but since my husband found out about the affair we haven’t had sex at all. Never!
My husband says he loves me and forgives me for the affair and just isn’t interested in sex anymore.
Queenie, should I believe him? Is this what things will be like from now on?—Frustrated wife
Dear Wife,
It could be that your husband is still angry about the affair, even though he says he has forgiven you.
However, because you say he did not have sex with you very often even before the affair, it is possible that he has some physical problem. Encourage him to have a complete physical check-up, including tests of his hormone levels (especially testosterone).
Professional counselling for both of you, separately and/or together, might also help.
Dear Queenie,
I have an expensive vacuum cleaner that my sister keeps wanting to borrow. I keep saying “no” but I think she borrowed it anyway when I was away for a few days and she was looking after the house and feeding my dog.
She can’t afford to buy one of her own and now she wants to borrow it again.
Queenie, how do I say “no” and make it stick? And how do I keep her from borrowing it if I have to go away again?—Older sister
Dear Sister,
You could let your sister borrow the vacuum cleaner, but give it to her without a bag and tell her she will have to buy her own vacuum-cleaner bags – and ask her to take out the bag when she is done so you will not have to clean up after her.
And if you think she might borrow the vacuum cleaner without your permission while you are away, you may have to find someone else to look after your house and feed your dog.
Dear Queenie,
There are some people I would rather not have come to my funeral when I die.
Queenie, should I make a list of the people I don’t want there and keep it with my will?—Looking ahead
Dear Looking ahead,
People go to a funeral both to pay respects to the deceased and to offer condolences and comfort to those left behind. I hope you will give the latter reason the consideration it deserves.
The funeral announcement can indicate who will be welcome at the service and who can be contacted for further information.
