By Comedic Storyteller Onicia Muller

Roberto and I stood in the sea of vehicles. It was a little overwhelming. People honked their horns and cut each other off like shoppers trying to get to a Black Friday sale. Mind you, these were Christians who had just attended a clean comedy show hosted in a megachurch.

We would have thugged it out on the train for two hours, but Roberto had to relieve his baby sitter. Sticking to our original plan, we ordered a carpool versus a private ride with the rideshare app.

The driver seemed tense, but we ain’t pay him no mind. It was late. There was traffic.

The driver took another detour from dropping us to Roberto’s house to collect more passengers.

Upon entering, Ricardo and Rebecca asked to turn up the music. The driver ignored them.

“Sir, she asked if you could turn up the music,” Ricardo definitely wanted to flex his manly man muscles. His third attempt was weaker than the previous. Ricardo made a few remarks to his lady friend about the driver’s rude attitude.

She ain’t pay him too much mind either…LOLs.

“Sir, do you got an iPhone charger?” The driver mumbled something inaudible. Ricardo repeated his request hoping the driver might actually acknowledge him. Another hot bram.

Pfft. Homeboy wasn’t speaking as loudly as he thought. Even if he was, this is a rideshare carpool. We don’t qualify for any type of perks.

If you want to ride in style with snacks, chargers, and a dope music playlist, you need to book yourself a limo or something. Otherwise, use yuh smartphone for entertainment like the rest of us paupers.

We nor the rideshare company was paying this man enough to care. But of course you can’t expect much sense from people who buy Apple AirPods.

“That’s okay, amma just hit you with this 1-star review.” Ricardo’s comment broke through my internal monologue.

My entire body tensed ready to rage on this man. As his date, that 1-star flex he was contemplating would have deflated my lady boner with the quickness.

“Dude, his job is to bring us from point A to point B. Once he does that, he deserves 5 stars. Everything else is a bonus.” Ricardo wanted to debate me but I gave him a stern #NotOnMyWatch.

“Give him at least three stars. These companies don’t care about people. They use legal loopholes to avoid hiring employees. They don’t cover vehicle wear and tear or any benefits.”

Ricardo agreed not to give a bad rating. I don’t know if he did. But what I do know is that I at least made his lady friend aware of his petty attitude. Hopefully, she held him accountable or at least withheld punani. Cheapo.

Shout out to all my workers in the transportation scene. Hopefully, we get public transportation back to where it needs to be and get these scumbag tech companies to do the right thing.

Created on St. Maarten; based in Chicago, Onicia Muller (@OniciaMuller) is an award-winning comedic storyteller. She writes and says funny things, and enjoys hanging with creative minds. “Just Being Funny” is a weekly reflection where Onicia laughs at life. Visit