Dear Queenie,

  My husband hasn’t had sex with me for many years. He says it’s a physical problem but I have seen him getting excited while he watches porn on a computer so I know he’s lying.

  He also claims not to be attracted to me anymore since we had children, but I know other men find me attractive because sometimes they hit on me at the store or the park, but I always turn them down. I have never been unfaithful to my husband no matter how bad he treats me.

  I finally moved out of the house, but he told everyone, especially my family and our children and the pastor and members of our church that it was because I was having an affair and he could not live without me, so they all got after me to go back to him and threatened to not have anything to do with me anymore and to have me thrown out of the church congregation, so I moved back in.

  I don’t want to ruin his reputation, I just want to get away from him.

  Queenie, what can I do?—Abused wife


Dear Wife,

  Your husband is counting on you not to defend yourself from his bullying and his lies. Stop worrying about saving his reputation and start thinking about protecting your own. Tell everyone the truth about your situation and ask for their help in dealing with your husband and his lies.

  Get professional counselling for help in learning to deal with him, through your church or from someone your doctor recommends.