Dear Editor,

It takes women to understand the suffering that our children undergo when they become victims of sexual abuse, and it will take women to make significant changes in all of the abovementioned judiciary domains.

It has been proven that women will not stand for this dispassionate attitude that has been displayed by members of the judiciary chain, who have refused to apply the full extent of the law with regard to sexual abusers of minors. After all, it is their kind who is forever inflicting this horrendous crime on our children, and so they have remained detached from the situation until it happens to one of their own.

The most precious gift one could ever give to children is to allow them to grow up in an environment that offers them the freedom to be who they are. To take away their innocence and have them experience being women and men is an atrocity that should not be tolerated in this so-called Christian society.

There is nothing in the world that can substitute for the joy of childhood. Here is where the formation of an individual takes place and if children are constantly living in pain, what would their adult life be like? Their childhood is just a mirror of their adult life that will be filled with promiscuity, mood swings, depression and a host of other problems. As I have said before, no amount of counselling can compensate for what these children have lost.

Sexual abuse of minors is taken much too lightly on St. Maarten and that is why molesters do what they want, because they have analyzed the judiciary system and are using the loopholes to continue their underground profession.

The system is to be blamed for this continual cruelty to our minors. I will repeat myself, children are not supposed to be subjected to re-live their ordeal through court proceedings, just to prove that they were sexually molested. The system needs to change! This drawn-out and embarrassing process, not forgetting the input of these unscrupulous lawyers, is what has contributed to the covering up of this horrendous crime that has been festering for decades.

We need women at the helm of these judicial institutions, who will take an impartial stand, but who are also willing to dig deeper into the situation to find out more than what meets the eye. The Court of Guardianship is an area in which we have seen tremendous change, compared to what it replicated in previous years. It is because we now have a Department Head, Richelda Rodriguez - Emmanuel, who will not tolerate the injustices that are imposed on our minors.

However, the avenue to expose sexual abuse of minors has to be expanded. It is not enough to ask persons to report the matter to designated headquarters. This format it is not the easiest way for persons who might be afraid to do so. Personally, I believe that our community police would be an excellent source of information, by them conducting random and consistent investigations on the matter.

In my opinion, when community officers are assigned to a district, they should be scouring the neighbourhood, in the same manner in which politicians canvassed the various districts during the recently-held Parliamentary Election. When these officers approach the community this way, they have a better idea of its dynamics, and people would be more inclined to release the information.

I am not in favour of having one police officer per district. Instead, there should be at least three to insure better protection of both the officer and the people; to offer the community a choice to select the officer to whom they feel comfortable to divulge the information and for the purpose of checks and balances. In addition, there should be a specially trained unit within the police force to deal with cases of sexual abuse of minors.

Furthermore, the people must be comfortable enough to speak out on this issue, with the confidence that they have the full backing of the judiciary system. There is absolutely no use that the community pours out its heart against this evil, only to be confronted with a judiciary system that appears to constantly side with the perpetrators. Then we will have a situation similar to our political system, where politicians have consistently ignored the cries of the people, and the only way to retaliate was to avoid the polls on Election Day.This community has the power to break the evil hand of sexual abuse of minors, simply because the process begins with every one of us.

Joslyn Morton

Dear Editor,

Mindfulness is consciousness. It is the opposite of functioning on auto-pilot. It is the best way to regain self-respect in a world that is continuously telling you what to do and how to behave. If your mind is malfunctioned by echoing the voice of "authority" of what to do and how to behave, mindfulness practice could centre you to your true self that you may regain trust in your intuition. There are some people who may want to use caution or better yet a mindfulness guide to starting a practice; these are people who have been sexually molested/abused and severe mental illness that have suffered any psychotic episodes.

I would also like to thank all the kind people who have taken the time to give me feedback on these articles. I also will do my best to shorten them and give more examples to clarify what I'm talking about. For the persons confused to whom my audience is, then I would say if you can understand what I wrote, it's for you and that's all. As one in five of us are going to be mentally "off" at some point, let's be mindful and compassionate about who's in the room with us. Oppositional traits are usually seen in disorders like antisocial personality disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP) and bipolar disorder (BD). I chose this trait as point of discussion because many parents talk about their very strong-will child and they are confusing what a strong will looks like as opposed to an oppositional will. Many kids and some adults who's neurological makeup has fallen short of perfection may often be characterized as stubborn, oppositional, cheeky, insolent, spoiled and of course "wilful." Parents often see their child as some mean spirited jackal from hell, a wicked thing or even "evil child" (you know the kids I'm talking about, you might have been one of those kids). However, on a more serious note, parents fear that this deep-rooted negative trait in their children's personality may hinder chances of success. Dr. Gabor Mate thinks the truth is more complicated than that but also leaves more ground for optimism. "Oppositionality" cannot come out of nowhere, it is always a response to something. The child is usually in opposition to goings on/rules in the adult world (did I just hear you say too bad for him/her?). If we are to define "will" as the capacity that enables a person to know what he wants and to hold to that goal regardless of setbacks, difficulties and distractions, then have another look at your strong-will child because rigid, obsessive clinging to a desire may resemble will in its persistence, but has nothing in common with it. Rigid, obsessive clinging rules your child, a strong-willed child is in command of his intentions. Oppositionalilty, says Dr. Gabor, "is not an expression of will it is an "absence of will," it allows a person to react but not act from a free and conscious process of decision making." Say, 12 year-old Sheila decides she doesn't want to go to swimming class today, the more you the parent ask politely that she gets ready, the more she digs her heals in. Common phrases of Oppositionality and counter-will are: "you ain't the boss of me" or "you can't make me", or "I don't want to", and "you're always telling me what to do." Some kids enjoy putting up the "keep out" sign on the bedroom door or with younger children the hands over the ears gesture to keep you the parent from mind controlling them. Oppositionality or counter-will is there only because there is a threat and the child is threatened because a strong sense of her own self has not developed sufficiently. It is important to understand that counter-will in personalities that suffer from oppositionality traits is affected by environmental stimulus (say an argument that happened before or a grating sound or a contemptuous face could all be a turnoff for this child or person.) Any force or pressure, no matter how good the intention, will generate counter-will, says Dr. Neufeld; the weaker the child – or, for that matter, the adult – is psychologically, the more automatic and rigid the counter-will response becomes. A strong unconscious defence indicates a weak, undeveloped will. So rather than being too powerful, the inner core of self, the true will, is stunted. Because oppositionality comes with underdeveloped sense of self-regulation, poor impulse control makes the child say or act in ways that seem like deliberate rudeness (and you know we can't tolerate that down here.) Though the phenomenon of counter-will is a fairly neglected topic in the behavioural sciences it gives insight into development of many kids with tendencies to oppositional disorders and its role there when it has been maladjusted. It is triggered whenever a child senses that the parent wants it to do something more than the child wants it. The solution would take for us to see the dynamics that are playing out, take a step back and recognize that this is not about us or about the child/person wanting to be rude, but to understand that the long-term psychological growth of that person should be invested in.

These days, children's neurological make-up requires that more attention be paid to the individual needs of their brain development. This is a matter of survival, not a privilege or entitlement. Indeed we may go ahead and build that 100 million dollar Jurassic Park that was in the planning. Be mindful of who is in the room with you.

Debbie Zwanikken

Dear Editor,

Mindfulness is consciousness. It is the opposite of functioning on auto-pilot. It is the best way to regain self-respect in a world that is continuously telling you what to do and how to behave. If your mind is malfunctioned by echoing the voice of "authority" of what to do and how to behave, mindfulness practice could centre you to your true self that you may regain trust in your intuition. There are some people who may want to use caution or better yet a mindfulness guide to starting a practice; these are people who have been sexually molested/abused and severe mental illness that have suffered any psychotic episodes.

I would also like to thank all the kind people who have taken the time to give me feedback on these articles. I also will do my best to shorten them and give more examples to clarify what I'm talking about. For the persons confused to whom my audience is, then I would say if you can understand what I wrote, it's for you and that's all. As one in five of us are going to be mentally "off" at some point, let's be mindful and compassionate about who's in the room with us. Oppositional traits are usually seen in disorders like antisocial personality disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP) and bipolar disorder (BD). I chose this trait as point of discussion because many parents talk about their very strong-will child and they are confusing what a strong will looks like as opposed to an oppositional will. Many kids and some adults who's neurological makeup has fallen short of perfection may often be characterized as stubborn, oppositional, cheeky, insolent, spoiled and of course "wilful." Parents often see their child as some mean spirited jackal from hell, a wicked thing or even "evil child" (you know the kids I'm talking about, you might have been one of those kids). However, on a more serious note, parents fear that this deep-rooted negative trait in their children's personality may hinder chances of success. Dr. Gabor Mate thinks the truth is more complicated than that but also leaves more ground for optimism. "Oppositionality" cannot come out of nowhere, it is always a response to something. The child is usually in opposition to goings on/rules in the adult world (did I just hear you say too bad for him/her?). If we are to define "will" as the capacity that enables a person to know what he wants and to hold to that goal regardless of setbacks, difficulties and distractions, then have another look at your strong-will child because rigid, obsessive clinging to a desire may resemble will in its persistence, but has nothing in common with it. Rigid, obsessive clinging rules your child, a strong-willed child is in command of his intentions. Oppositionalilty, says Dr. Gabor, "is not an expression of will it is an "absence of will," it allows a person to react but not act from a free and conscious process of decision making." Say, 12 year-old Sheila decides she doesn't want to go to swimming class today, the more you the parent ask politely that she gets ready, the more she digs her heals in. Common phrases of Oppositionality and counter-will are: "you ain't the boss of me" or "you can't make me", or "I don't want to", and "you're always telling me what to do." Some kids enjoy putting up the "keep out" sign on the bedroom door or with younger children the hands over the ears gesture to keep you the parent from mind controlling them. Oppositionality or counter-will is there only because there is a threat and the child is threatened because a strong sense of her own self has not developed sufficiently. It is important to understand that counter-will in personalities that suffer from oppositionality traits is affected by environmental stimulus (say an argument that happened before or a grating sound or a contemptuous face could all be a turnoff for this child or person.) Any force or pressure, no matter how good the intention, will generate counter-will, says Dr. Neufeld; the weaker the child – or, for that matter, the adult – is psychologically, the more automatic and rigid the counter-will response becomes. A strong unconscious defence indicates a weak, undeveloped will. So rather than being too powerful, the inner core of self, the true will, is stunted. Because oppositionality comes with underdeveloped sense of self-regulation, poor impulse control makes the child say or act in ways that seem like deliberate rudeness (and you know we can't tolerate that down here.) Though the phenomenon of counter-will is a fairly neglected topic in the behavioural sciences it gives insight into development of many kids with tendencies to oppositional disorders and its role there when it has been maladjusted. It is triggered whenever a child senses that the parent wants it to do something more than the child wants it. The solution would take for us to see the dynamics that are playing out, take a step back and recognize that this is not about us or about the child/person wanting to be rude, but to understand that the long-term psychological growth of that person should be invested in.

These days, children's neurological make-up requires that more attention be paid to the individual needs of their brain development. This is a matter of survival, not a privilege or entitlement. Indeed we may go ahead and build that 100 million dollar Jurassic Park that was in the planning. Be mindful of who is in the room with you.

Debbie Zwanikken

Dear Editor,

There are many things we plan for in life and as a consequence many things we prepare for. Sickness is not usually one of those things. We think about what we would consider most ideal when we think about our future; our lives as professionals, our families and our possible influence on those around us and in this way even those far away from us.

Unfortunately, a serious or life-threatening illness is something that many of us have had to deal with or are still dealing with. This may be a personal journey or you may be supporting someone else on this trying journey. The outcome may vary, but the people who have taken this journey will tell comparable stories.

Once a serious illness is ascertained, the process which ensues is often complicated and emotionally and physically draining. From an emotional point of view, strength, understanding and patience are necessary when trying to deal with this new reality. From a practical point of view, significant financial resources are usually needed. In all situations the expertise of doctors, specialists and different health care workers and the services of different institutions are also necessary. The support of family and friends is of course invaluable and the lines of communication must be clear.

In times like these you are always advised to put your trust in God. Considering the fact that God works through us, we must also put our trust in those who are now a part of this new reality. Whatever the specific situation may be, we can't do it alone; we should not have to take the journey alone. Unfortunately some of us still do.

A few months ago, my sister and I were a part of such a journey. Our mother started on this journey about six months ago after being diagnosed with a serious medical condition. For the most part, the process that ensued was riddled with incompetence, red tape, miscommunication, negligence and lack of compassion or understanding. This should of course never be the case.

This incompetence and red tape resulted in unnecessary physical and emotional stress and most likely progression of the clinical situation. The level of miscommunication and lack of communication were also far beyond what would be considered understandable and was unacceptable.

A social system should ensure that someone who is already suffering emotionally and physically has the guidance and assistance necessary to enable this person to concentrate on what their part of the process should be: getting well. This is definitely not the case with the social system that is now in place on St. Maarten.

I am writing this as someone who is still trying to understand why negligence is acceptable in our social system. I am writing this as someone who lost a part of her about two months ago and is still sharing an unbearable pain with those who also experienced this loss. This pain is accompanied with confusion and lack of closure. The latter is, however, not due to the loss itself but the surrounding circumstances. Too much was taken away from our mother and from those who loved and cared for her because of this lack of competence, compassion and care. In my case the emotional pain may never subside.

My one hope is that the employees of our social insurance company understand their role as patient care agents. It may sound strange, but as a patient care agent you do hold someone's life in your hands. It is imperative that you realize this. A position as a patient care agent is not just the opportunity to fill a position, it is an opportunity to provide a person with the peace of mind they need to embark on this journey. It is therefore a privilege.

My suggestion is to take your position seriously or to find another job. I am also writing this in the hope that no one else has to go through what we went through and are still going through.

A family member

Name withheld at author's request.